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So for that past week I have been working on a ceramics sculpture of a koi fish. This basically means that everyday I went into the studio and worked on the tail. Thats it, thats all I have after hours upon hours in the studio. Lucky me the entire project is due this friday :) So after studio I had an art education course and all we did was watch a video on indie crafters....my favorite was a latch hooker that only did pieces of pornographic nudes. Wierd right??? Oh, and by nudes I mean only naked women, and I strangely enough want to buy one of the kits and create a piece for myself. Thinking about it more and more, I think it would be so neat to have, but seriously its not like my roommates are going to be happy with me displaying it. Then does that mean I am spending $50 to make something than pack it away?? That doesnt make very much sense does it?

So I was talking with my best friend earlier and she decided she was breaking up with her boyfriend. I know its so bad, but I kept drifting off from the conversation. Its because I really want a new guy in my life, and yeah. Oh, so how about I emailed the last guy I was with. Lets call him Steven. So I emailed him Halloween night....asking him to text me cause I really wanted to talk, and I dont have his number anymore. I dont think he is going to text me :( But I guess its better for me, I really need to just move on and forget about him. The problem is, I think about him whenever I think about going home. Why? We live like two blocks away and I pass his house all the time. It sucks cause sometimes I drive past and start crying. Lame right, cause I ended it. But i cant help myself, like I said before I never know what I want till I dont have it anymore.

Lesson: (if any) I need to start imagining my life after the desicions that I want to make. Then, I cant look back on what was, I need to keep moving.

Oh, so I recently found out that the erie episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition is airing on Dec. 6th. The bad part is that it is the 3 year anniversary of my grandmothers passing. Its going to suck, im going to wish I was home with all my family, and I will feel all alone here, as I do sometimes. Its just hard, she was one of my best friends, and its still a struggle to think she isnt here anymore. I wish her so very much. "I love you whowho"

more stories later, bye for now

beginnings

My life thus far seems like a big mess that I need to untangle. It isnt the life anyone would want. Its not the life I want. I realize that I am my own worst enemy, that only I can change the situations that I put myself into. Ive never had a guy love me, and it hurts everyday. The last guy that I was involved with never seemed to really want me. I eventually broke everything off cause I wasnt in it anymore. Now all I want is another chance. That sounds horrible right? Why would I want to be with a guy that was never really in it the first go around? Well, thats the thing about me.....I never know what I want till its gone. I hurt everyday and I know things need to change. I hold all my emotions inside, and I never really let them out, not even to the people closest to me. This blog will become that outlet for all my emotions, good or bad. Everything I go through from the funny to the sad will be displayed here. until next time. oh p.s. just so you all know, I am a virgin. Not necessarily a happy virgin, but one nonetheless. Right, why am I telling you this? Well....I am a very sexual person and tend to hold nothing back when talking about all things sex. be prepared. byes :)